Breaking the Silence: Addressing Teen Dating Violence
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month
Teen dating violence is an issue that persists in our community. In fact, one in 10 high school students has experienced physical violence from a dating partner in the last year. That’s why YWCA Yakima participates in raising awareness each February as it’s nationally recognized as Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM). We believe in the importance of uplifting and empowering young people everywhere in having healthy and respectful relationships.
The theme for this year’s TDVAM is #LoveLikeThat, with a goal of illuminating what “that” means regarding healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Talking About Healthy Love
Relationships play a vital role in one’s life – that’s why it’s important that tweens, teens, and young adults know how to build respectful and safe connections. We wanted to dive deeper, so we spoke with a handful of women about what a healthy relationship looks like to them.
Which behaviors represent a healthy love for you?
“Communication. Without communication, we wouldn’t be able to know what is bugging me and what is bugging him, and I feel that if we sit down and talk and communicate what we actually feel and not just hold it in. Communication and trust.”
“The number one thing would be communication. Making sure there’s always communication between each other and really just helping each other out and understanding that you might not know how the other person is really feeling. It’s always good to talk things out and be a little more understanding of each person.”
“Good communication because I feel like communication can help you overcome a lot of things like if you’re in disagreements, communicate that. And also having a best friend. You want somebody, not just girlfriend/boyfriend, you want somebody you can have fun times with and do fun things with.”
“Genuine care. I think in a relationship communication would be the biggest key factor, because I’ve had relationships where we put our all into them, but we lacked communication.”
What do you want out of a relationship?
“I know not all relationships are perfect, but I feel that what I want is to feel loved, respected, a morning text every day – a reminder – and reassurance.”
“Loving. Someone that can be a little more understanding. Be there for that person.
Moms, we get very stressed because we have a lot of things to do and just having someone to support you completely and be understanding of how you’re feeling and say ‘Oh, I can see she’s stressed,’ or ‘I can see she’s not doing well, let me help her out.’ A lot of support, communication, and understanding.”“Unconditional [love]. Whoever that person may be, you can go to them for anything. No judgment - you can trust that person with whatever you’re feeling, whatever is going through your mind, or your life in that moment.”
“[Be treated] with respect. Respect is a really key factor because if they don’t have respect for you, then nobody else is going to have respect for you. Respect, listening, communication, and opening up. But listening and showing that you care [is important].”
What are some unhealthy behaviors in a relationship?
“[Lack of] trust, an affair, communication – we couldn’t ever communicate. The love slowly started fading away and it felt like we were there [because we were] used to it. It felt like the same routine, and you didn’t want to [step outside] your world. [His] family was always into our relationship and that made it worse.”
“The number one thing that I saw as unhealthy was jealousy. I think some girls, I’ve seen a lot where they think, ‘oh, it’s cute, it shows that he really cares for me.’ I used to think that, but me now, I think no, it’s not. It’s not healthy and it’s not a good sign at all. That’s usually the first thing you’ll see and then it starts getting controlling, and then [escalates from there]. Jealousy is not cute.”
“Say you’re out with friends and you’re constantly having to check in with whoever you’re with – constant check-ins. Even that person asking for your social media accounts, that’s your own privacy and you shouldn’t have to share that. If they’re pestering you, that’s definitely a red flag, or always wanting to know where you are at all times. You deserve your own privacy and where you want to be.”
“Name-calling, belittling, questioning. Not having faith in that person. The big key factors are those and [lack of] respect.”
What advice would you give to your 16-year-old self-regarding relationships?
“Heal. Healing is the most important thing for me, and self-love. Get all of the help that is offered before going into a relationship, or just waiting a while and enjoy your life.”
“Don’t just jump into it. When I was young, I was so scared to be alone. I wanted to have what everyone else had – that relationship, that everyone talked about. And I jumped too easily. For anyone who’s younger and they’re starting to see it, take your time. Sometimes relationships can start out great and amazing and all of a sudden, it dips, and you want to be careful of that. Just take your time with it and make sure that you can truly, honestly trust this person completely to communicate with you, work with you, see the same dreams, inspire each other and work together so that you know that this is going to work as a great relationship where you build each other up.”
“I would say take it slow. Don’t share too much too fast because when I was young, I got into an abusive relationship, and I feel like I took it very fast. I shared way too many personal things throughout life too fast and then, that other person, even though you’re feeling that you can trust that person they may end up using things against you even though you may not have control in whatever situation that happened. Take things slow, don’t share too much too fast.”
“If I could talk to younger me, I would have, because I’ve always had the issue of never having that kind of love from a mom or dad – I grew up in the foster care system – so the first person who told me they loved, I thought they loved me and they didn’t. If I could have told the 15 or 16-year-old me, I would say, just because someone tells you they love you, just don’t give yourself away so easily.”
How to Show Support for a Young Person in a Toxic/Abusive Relationship
Many teenagers who find themselves in a new relationship may not recognize the warning signs. That’s why it can be crucial for those around them to step in. Below are a few tips on how to provide support for teens that are breaking free from an unhealthy relationship.
Recognize the Signs – It’s important to identify red flags, including controlling behavior, manipulation, isolation, or emotional abuse.
Keep the Conversation Open – Encourage a non-judgmental and supportive environment where teens feel comfortable sharing their experiences. Make sure to actively listen to them and validate their feelings.
Knowledge is Power – Provide information on what constitutes a healthy relationship, emphasizing positive communication, trust, and mutual respect. Share stories of positive relationships that can help illustrate a healthy dynamic.
Connect with Professionals – Let them know that they are not alone. There are many resources available to them that are focused on helping teens leave abusive relationships; this may include creating a safety plan for teens if the toxic relationship escalates.
Helping a teen navigate an unhealthy relationship requires compassion, understanding, and proactive support. Let’s work together to empower teens to break free from toxicity and give them the tools to build safe and healthy relationships.
Resources
Love should never hurt. There are many resources, local and national, that are here to help young people in toxic/abusive relationships. They also provide guidance for those who want to help anyone experiencing domestic violence. We put together a list of the most helpful resources for anyone interested in finding ways to help, or if you just want to learn more. For anyone experiencing an abusive or toxic relationship, please know that help is always available.
YWCA Yakima
Call our helpline: (509) 248-7796, #3
Visit our building (8am-5pm): 818 W. Yakima Ave.
Love is Respect
Call, chat, or text: LOVEIS to 22522
National Hotline: 1-866-331-9474
Teen Link Crisis Connection for Youth
Call or text "HELLO" to 1-866-833-6546
One Love
National Hotline: 1-866-331-9474